"Who knows how long I've loved you...". How long have I prepared for this? How much practicing did it take and how many scars did my heart have to endure before you gave me the wish I wanted most in this life? You now know what it was and what it is. I'll not tell another soul for it is you who discovered the one desire that no one else could. It was simple really, wasn't it?
Around the world in search of something, someone, anything. The endless hours listening to Piaf's laments and Tina's vindications. Burying myself in those travels, that career. Deeper and deeper. Walls up. Building. A Fortress, really. Moves, escapes physically and emotionally with no results.
An old friend. A somewhat convincing argument to come out of hiding with a struggle to stay where it's safe and dark. Then. Then a cupid with an arrow in his back is brought up from those depths, rising with your lightness. Teacher of Light that you are to me. Laughing. Those eyes in the shade of a sultry aquamarine dancing in the shadows of the 33rd floor with a kiss on the way down stolen. Savored. Saved. Cherished. Held onto tightly.
The heart cannot feel this way. Must not feel this way. "Surely he can't think that way of me?", he thinks. Two hearts that Want, but don't want to hurt. Drifting. Give it up, Marbella. Let him go and with that out of your pocket comes your old adage, "If it's meant to be.....". Hesitant queries in cool words exchanged and searching to see if it's still there or even if it was real.
One year. A long year of trying not ot rebuild those cold walls around this heart. A thought. A rememberance of those eyes, that smile, the comfort of his voice caressing my tired soul and restless heart. Buried once more in work. Then.
A message left on the machine. Not an email, but a voice message. Melt. I'll not show it, but he doesn't believe it and I am sure that my heart is showing once more. I can't fool him. I don't want to fool him. I love being a fool for him. Messages. Calls. Arrangements. And...
We spend the night. One night. Nothing extraordinary for a room, but extraordinary nonetheless for us two. Us Two. And it was. And it is. And it will be.
Tears on departure. Foolish me. I can't hide the melting and the wish that I have had since I was so young. I have never revealed that wish to a soul, but he discovered it. Thank you. Remember that poem I wrote you when we first met? Yes, you do. Thank you, One. My most handsome man. My One.
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